


It's Really A Funny Story

by phanpire_weekend



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adult Dipper Pines, BillDip, Billdip Week, Gay, M/M, bill dip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 05:41:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7922638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanpire_weekend/pseuds/phanpire_weekend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's funny... really. Bill Cipher is lonely and bored, Bill Cipher likes to gamble, Bill Cipher becomes a human, Bill Cipher loves?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. POV: Dorito Man

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Madi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madi/gifts).



_"If you're ready to play our game Bill... "_

_"Amon what do you want?" I asked impatiently frowning(as best as a triangle can) at the biggest demonic asshole._

 

_"Aren't you bored yet Billy?" Amon giggled._

 

_God I was bored. Utterly, completely, insanely, mind-numbingly dull. Sitting in a bubble prison for seven years... believe it or not wasn't incredibly amusing._

 

_"Fine. What do you want?" He laughed and then sighed dramatically(as best as a floating pink circle can)._

 

_"I challenge you to court a human. A human who hates demons, better a human who hates you! Get them to truly love you by the next solstice..."_

 

_" What do I get out of it?" I asked looking at my newly formed arms and legs._

 

_" I'm an old old demon Bill, much older than you and we've had a long history of hate. I'll give you the pleasure of finally killing me! " He exclaimed and then chuckled._

 

_"And if you win?"_

 

_" I get Dipper Pines and his brilliant mind. Against you. "_

 

_" I'll do it."_

 

_"You know better than that Cipher...Let's shake on it."_

 

 


	2. POV: Air Freshner Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is in for a surprise when his sister takes up mediating.

"HEY SOLDIER GET UP AND READY LADY PACIFICA IS AT OUR HOME!"  

       I was rudely awakened by my twenty year old twin sister slamming me repeatedly in the face with an anime body pillow. She yanked me out of bed ran to my dresser and started tossing clothes at me. "All you have is flannels, skinny jeans and weird hipster shirts. Hurry and come downstairs". Mabel sounded extremely drunk as she continued to run around tossing items at me. 

I heard a loud thump and groan as I walked downstairs, Mabel and Pacifica were sitting on yoga mats in the middle of the kitchen...well Pacifica was sitting. Mabel was sprawled on the ground looking very much so the cause of the noise. 

"Pacificaerr es toechin meh mederiation!" Mabel said climbing into Pacifica's lap. Then she covered her hand with her mouth and loudly whispered, " Doen tell Perfeca boot em action dumn so she loaves me!" Pacifica laughed and wrapped her arms around Mabel. "Mabel Pines you would have to try hard to make me not love you, now Dipper why is my girlfriend drunk at eight in the morning?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "my question exactly. Mabel care to explain?" I've known her for long enough to vaguely decipher the intricate dialect she speaks known as 'very drunk Mabel'.

   "Hecka yeh bro bro! Oke soIsawthisbutlerdudeinthegiftshopthismoringbeforeweopened aaand he was looking for you! He left this gift basket and um said give the message to Dipper! I checked inside and these bottles looked like ribena and I took a few sips..." Mabel incoherently babbled while gesturing to a rather large gift basket and around thirty empty bottles.

 Walking over and examining the "basket" I noticed it was shaped like a pine tree. I saw a yellow envelope shaped like a triangle with an eye for a seal peaking out under a box of chocolate. _Ha Bill Cipher. Hilarious._ I opened the note,

 

_See you in your dreams Pine Tree._

 

I stared at the note which had gold hearts all over it. _What. The. Hell._

 

The next few weeks went without incident. I was sitting in my makeshift study(the hidden room) when suddenly I heard a loud _thump_ against the window.

 

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._ I got out of my chair.

 

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._ I looked at the window.

 

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._ It appeared that there was a flock of birds attacking my window.

 

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._ It stopped. 

 

There was approximately thirteen dead birds on my lawn in the shape of a triangle, I shrugged not wanting to deal with bull and popped several sleeping pills.

 

 

    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm really glad to finally be writing something of my own! Check out my tumblr @phanpire-weekend for updates :) The body pillow was one of Jean from Attack On Titan, I hear Dipper has a thing for blondes...


	3. Dipper's Dream Guy

_"Long time no see, little Pine Tree." A voice behind me said. I sighed and turned around, and realized I appeared to be in woods of some sort. My favorite demonic triangle was apparently not present. I noticed a cabin a few paces away and walked up to the door. Does one knock on a dream door belonging to a malicious polygon? I decided to let my manners get the best of me._

_Knock knock._

_The door opened slowly and I was greeted by a kid who looked to be around my age with sandy blonde hair and icy eyes complementing perfectly with fair skin and a sprinkle of freckles. He gave me a shy smile and waved, I blushed._

_"Damn Pine Tree I forgot you got hot." The boy commented smirking with the voice of the one and only Bill Cipher.  I pinched myself for letting my hormones get the best of me. No more getting hot and bothered over random blonde woodland strangers._

_"What do you want Cipher?" I asked impatiently. Bill smiled, grabbed my arm and pulled me inside. The inside of the cabin was warm and surprisingly cozy but, obnoxiously yellow. Typical Bill._

_Bill sat down on a couch and pulled me next to him. He clapped and suddenly, we were in a forest of japanese cherry blossoms._

_"Wow Pines... a deer? Quite an interesting fursona you got there buddy."_

_Bill said chuckling, I looked at him he was wearing what could've been advertised in the Old Navy: Hipstersexual clothing line. I self-consciously patted my head, finding a pair of antlers? Then reaching behind I realized I had a deer butt._

_"It's cute", he clapped and his yellow flannel changed from plaid to a houndstooth esque triangular design._

_"Bill why are we playing dream dress up?" He pulled me further into the trees and I couldn't do anything but trot along._

_We entered a clearing with an especially tall sakura acting as a centerpiece. Bill snapped again and a yellow blanket and wicker basket appeared. We sat as he grabbed the basket and handed me a triangular frosted cookie._

_"I love baking!" He exclaimed shoving a few short of 30 cookies into his mouth. I reluctantly took a bite and was pleasantly surprised at the taste of lemon versus cyanide. He wiped his mouth and scooted closer to me, I flushed unwillingly. He raised his hand and stroked my cheek, trailing his long fingers across my face and chest slowly._

_" I have some exciting news." This couldn't be good. He came even closer smelling faintly of pine until our noses touched, "I'm positive you'll be elated to hear that we'll be seeing each other much more often. Send my regards to Shooting Star will ya?" He grinned his signature Bill Cipher smile and planted a long kiss on my cheek. Then his eyes rolled back into his head._

_"BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP"._


	4. Dingus's First Day of School

"BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP."

 

I groaned. As I groggily opened my eyes I saw Mabel running about screeching.

 

"HEY DIM SUM GET THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE SHIT WE NEED TO LEAVE IN NEGATIVE FIVE MINUTES."

 

I looked at my unfaithful alarm clock. 8:05. I rolled out of bed and pulled on a collared shirt on and followed it with a red sweater.

 

"I love you but you need to get your ass in the car pronto." Mabel called from the passenger seat of my pickup, I groaned and hauled myself to the other side and got in. 

 

     Mabel frowned as we arrived at her campus grounds, she handed me a paper bag of pancakes and patted my back then said, "Have fun teaching, ya dingus." 

 

I parked my car and began walking to Class One. I had to go to Room 613 for Class Two which was apparently where I was supposed to hold classes: I had spent three years at this university in which one of the most important things I learned was to avoid the sixth floor at all costs. Ironically, I was teaching a class about fighting and identifying the supernatural on a floor filled to the brim with strange creatures.

I stepped into the elevator and hit floor five and as the door began to close a pale hand shot through the quickly narrowing gap. I scanned the person standing in front of me: around my age with sandy blonde hair and icy eyes complementing perfectly with fair skin and a sprinkle of freckles... I couldn't put away the nagging feeling that I knew him from somewhere. I stepped out on the fifth floor to attend my first class and checked behind me to see if the ~~hot~~ blonde guy was still behind me but he had apparently evanesced. 

     Class One felt like stretching apart Mabel's Sticky Sweet Syrup Taffy(which is now on sale in your nearest Mystery Shack) I tried to focus on Professor Ewell's extremely interesting lecture on types of packing soil, but those blue eyes and those freckles kept running through my mind... 

"MR. PINES!" I snapped back to reality. Professor Ewell stood above me with a frown, " Mr. Pines are you feeling alright?" I nodded looked at my watch and realized I'd have to run to make it to Class Two. Shit. 

 

    As I walked into Room 613 I was greeted by a journal 3 replica to the stomach.

 

"HEY PROFFESOR DIPSHIT YOU'RE 1.26 SECONDS LATE." 

 

 _Lovely_. It was the blonde ~~hottie~~ shit from earlier. 

 

"Hi, guys. Um- I'm in uh my fourth year of college but uh I'm teaching this uh... class. Um... I published this journal that you're uh using right now haha, or I mean you will be... Actually you used it to hit me in the erm stomach.." I blabbered incoherently.

     I walked over to my desk and set down my bag and books. I pulled out a small box from my satchel popped it open to show a pair of silver banded rings and held it in front of the class. "The first unit is enchanted items. Can anyone tell me what this is?" 

 

"Nice engagement ring, who's the lucky guy?" This comment came from Atlántica Southwest(I know original name right?) I could stand Pacifica but tolerating her brat of a cousin was a totally different story. The class laughed and I turned red.

 

I looked over and the blond dick was waving his hand wildly. I pointed at him and he stood up getting on the table and cleared his throat, " It's an Ifrit Bond ring. It has magic scripture written by the great ifrit Jin. If two enemies put it on they can't leave each other's sides without being in severe pain: if two people put into an ifrit bond are separated they usually end up going insane. "

 

I closed my mouth which I realized with embarrassment had been agape in awe. "Excellent! Could anyone else check journal page 43 and tell us how to rid of the ifrit bond?"

 

The class was silent for a moment until Tiff Lack, a Falls resident spoke up, "Ifrit bonds can only be broken if the former enemies have more love for each other than they had hate. " From what I remembered Tiff's parents becoming stuck in a bond during my second summer in Gravity Falls and staying that way up until a few months back. 

 

    The class went by quickly as listening to other people enthuse about what I loved was a lot of fun. I dismissed the class and sat down turning the ifrit ring box in my hands and the blonde kid walked up to my desk, "I thought it was a good lesson my Pine Tree."

 

And then it hit me. _Bill Fucking Cipher_.


	5. Ding-Dong's Silver Ring

I was sitting back home at my desk and the coffee I had just drunk wasn't doing it's job as I began to feel heavy-eyed. I eyed my mug, looked at the nyquil sitting on my desk... the empty nyquill; then I looked at the ring box sitting on my desk... the empty ring box. Empty?

 

**e..m..p..t..y...**

**I think I may of been drugged.**

 

_I was back in the forest. The sakura sat behind me, and I looked down: I seemed to be in a suit of sorts and wearing dress shoes. I turned back around to a shadow in a veil and a long white dress walking down towards me, Mabel trailing behind her holding a small tray._

_Pink petals fell gently to the ground and the air was sweet and the breeze gentle. I looked into the veil but I couldn't distinguish a face, I felt like I should worry but a voice I knew told me to relax and enjoy la vie en rose._

_Soos stood next to me smiling as the veiled figure stood next to me and touched my cheek with a cool gloved hand._

_" Do you say yes my dude? " Soos chuckled and patted my back._

 

_Something nagged me in the back of my thoughts and I pushed them away. "Sure. I mean yes, I do."_

_The figure gently took a box opened it and slid a ring onto my finger, then slid one onto their own._

 

_" Does anyone object? " Soos asked looking around grimly? Suddenly Uncle Ford stood up, " I do! Dipper don't do it! No! NO! " before he disappeared into a slowly creeping fog. I felt my stomach suddenly fill with lead._

 

_"Dipper it's time to kiss your bride!" Soos said chuckling more._

 

_" I don't... what? I don't know? I don't want to... I do?" I stumbled over my own words._

_The figure lifted it's veil grabbed me by the tie and kissed me softly, " Sorry Pine Tree it's a done deal!" The mystery figure was no blushing bride- he was a shitty triangle in a cute boy's body._

 

_"Bill. Cipher. What. Did. You. Do."_

 

_"I guess we have some time to... **bond**!", he grinned maliciously, " listen hubby I suggest you wake up as your only remaining Grunkle seems to be going into cardiac arresttt!" _

 

 


	6. The Forest Calls

     I woke up in cold sweat. I threw off my covers and ran downstairs, 

" FORD! UNCLE FORD " I screeched hysterically as I ran downstairs.  Grunkle Stan was holding a defibrillator laughing with Ford on the floor. I paused, " What happened?" 

 

Ford chuckled, " My dear brother here decided to give me quite a scare, I dozed off during a game of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons, and good 'ol Stanley decided to cut open an air horn. I'm surprised you kids slept through it...".

 

I began to knead my hands when I felt something cool on my left ring finger. _Oh no_. As I looked down I immediately recognized what was on my finger. I touched the inscriptions that I knew belonged to an Ifrit ring too well.  I knew there was no point in trying but I attempted to yank it off, as expected it was to no avail. I trudged upstairs and fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 

     I blinked slowly to pink light filtering through a car window, I blinked a few times as the driver hummed... Wait... Car... Driver... "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON." I screamed flailing while buckled in the car seat.

 

" Morning babe, you're definitely going to have to fix your hair: I realize now that was the only thing I didn't do..." Bill Fucking Cipher said in a rather detached tone. 

 

" What the hell is wrong with you Cipher? You almost killed my great uncle! Why would you..." I trailed off as I caught Bill's gaze, his eyes trailed over my body and he sighed and turned his attention back to the road. Strange.

 

We arrived at a small coffee shop a few streets down from where my Class One was, Bill grabbed his satchel and opened his side door.

 

" Pine Tree I do suggest you come with me because being far apart hurts you just as much as it hurts me." Bill said stepping out. I shook my head but immeadiatly regretted it as he started walking away. My chest began to ache and I felt like I had ~~read an angsty Drarry fic~~ gotten my heart torn out.

" Wait Bill!" I cried out as the ring began to tighten, as soon as he heard me turned around and ran back to the car, " What is it Pine Tree? " I grimaced, " Get me some tea and a cake pop." 

    Sitting in a car waiting for Bill Cipher was one of the most painful things I ever experienced. Not only because of the bond, but also because of the realization of the fact I'd have to spend eternity with this prick. I don't like Bill Cipher and I never will. Suddenly the pain went away, I looked up to see Bill unlocking the car door. He put two drinks in the front cup holders and handed me a small paper bag, he caught my eyes and smiled. It was proving to be difficult to not do so when he was being...nice. The niceness wasn't genuine, I was convinced. Bill Cipher always had an ulterior motive. 

 

" Bill why are you doing this? " I asked taking a slow sip of the tea.

 

" Buttering you up so I can eat you. " He laughed then pulled out of the parking spot and started driving.

 

" Where are we going? "

 

" A big 'ol oven to cook you like a plump chicken. Any more questions mon chéri?"

 

" You speak french? "

 

"Hablo todos los idiomas liebling... La plupart trouvent ça érotique. "

 

" I'm sorry what was that last part Cipher?" I asked raising an eyebrow. 

 

We arrived at a dusty trail path and Bill got out, " I do suggest you join me Pines. " I was not in the mood for ~~Drarry feels~~ pain so I reluctantly got out.

 

" Bill we have to get back to the university... " I said quietly as he grabbed his satchel and started up the trail. He said nothing and as he started walking away I could feel myself being tugged towards him. I subconsciously reached for my phone as I began to walk behind him and I took it out of my pocket. 

 

One text from Mabel: 

 

I opened my phone looking at the conversation.

 

                         _Hey Mabes, I'm staying with a cute guy for a while. See you at school._

_Ooh what does he look like???_

_Blond, freckled, generally good looking._

_Have fun xoxoxo use protection! ;)))_

 

Bill Cipher was an insufferable prick.

 

We arrived in an open meadow overlooking of the falls. Bill snapped and a blanket appeared and lightly floated to the ground, another snap and a small picnic basket followed. 

  

He plopped down and sighed. I looked down and examined him slowly, sandy hair swiped across his left eye as always and as I strained to look at his left eye he shifted until the glimpse was no longer visible. He was wearing a light daffodil sweater with a white collared shirt and tight black jeans. 

 

" Enjoying the view?" He said shifting to pose like Rose from the Titanic. I turned red and began to wander. I began to hear a whisper from the edge of the trees and the adventured crazed child inside me followed it. I kept walking ignoring the pain in my chest and came upon a clearing. Suddenly I saw white.

 

I was in an ocean- it was calm and I could see the sandy beaches fringing the end of the water: a splash and a blond streak behind me. Bill surfaced and looked at me. Even though we were in the water I could see tears in his eyes. 

 

_Where are you? I need you... Don't hurt me like this..._

 

Suddenly his eyes widened and he was pulled underwater, I swum down to find him until all I could see was black.

 

_Hello Mister Pines. I'm here to give you a message..._

 

The voice came from a pink giantess who I realized I was standing in the palm of. Her face was hooded but long rose hair flowed out from under it. 

 

_I am Amon. A fellow dream entity- I want you to know that you can trust me, i'll be visiting you soon again. Big things are coming... you should be weary of who you trust. Do not emotion cloud your better judgement Dipper. I shall let you get back to Mister Cipher as he's more than on the verge of tears right now._

 

I woke up with Bill shaking me his eyes puffy and red. 

 

He gasped, "You-You're alright..." I sat up and he pulled me into a hug and put his chin in the crook of my neck: I held him for a few moments then pulled away when I realized what I was doing. He grasped my shoulders and looked me in the eye,    " We missed First Class since you decided to die for an hour. " 

 

I rubbed my head confused, " Let's try to make Second Class. " I said and began walking back to Bill's car.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hope you're enjoying this, I'll be trying to write longer chapters now since marching season in over!


	7. Days with Dorito

**Monday**

I walked into the kitchen. I was still in Bill's house, the ring making it awful to be too far from him. I looked at the clock: _8:30_. Bill should've been back by now. My chest began to ache, but I refused to call him. I went to the university and taught my class. Bill wasn't there and my chest began to hurt. I brushed it off and took a Motrin. Bill wasn't there when I got home. I  walked to his room and sat on the bed waiting, reading the journals until I fell asleep.

 

**Tuesday**

Bill wasn't there in the morning. _8:30_ again. Classes again. Motrin again. I got home and fell asleep on the couch.

 

**Wednesday**

Bill wasn't there in the morning. _8:30_ again. Classes again. Motrin again. I got home and fell asleep in the kitchen.

 

 **Thursday**  

I woke up at 8:30 and sat in the kitchen drinking wine out of a mug. I could hear giggling outside and then the door slammed open. In walked Bill Fucking Cipher with a clearly intoxicated woman hanging off of him laughing. He saw me and his eyes widened.

 

" P-Pine Tree! You're still here... listen it's not what it looks li-".

 

" Can it Cipher. I don't care okay? Live your life how you want just don't make me a part of it. " I grabbed my bag and jacket then walked out the door. I heard the woman hiccup and say, "Geez Will what's his problem?"

 

     I walked to Class One angrily, why should I care? Bill was free to do whatever or whoever he wanted... It's not like I liked him... I wondered why the pain hasn't been as bad as the first day for the beginning of this week, and now it was spiked up all the way. I figured it had something to do with how angry I was at Bill.

 

Bill didn't show up for my class.

 

After class I called a taxi and went back to the shack. I went to my room and fell asleep.

 

**Friday**

 

     I woke up to immense pain and Mabel poking me gently. 

 

"Hey dipping sauce... I'm taking it didn't go well with the cute guy". I figured it was time for an explanation. After I told her everything she looked at me and stroked her chin.

 

" So what's up with this Amon chick? If Bill is manifested in a human do you think the girl he was with was Amon? "

 

I shook my head, " Amon seemed pretty wise and the girl seemed... unintelligent. "

 

Mabel patted my hand, "Well how are you feeling after the bond? You guys are pretty far right now..." 

 

"It was pretty bad earlier but it's getting better... "

 

     The doorbell rang.

 

" I'll go get it, you lay down here okay?" I heard Mabel walk downstairs open the door and walk back up. " You weren't kidding when you said he was cute oh man. Listen Dipper just go down and talk to him."

 

"Whyyy Mabelll I don't want tooo." I fake pouted but knew as Mabel pushed me that I had no other option. 

 

     As I walked downstairs I saw Bill standing in the doorway: white shirt, attempted combed back hair, black skinny jeans, and a bouquet a flowers in hand. When he saw me he tried to run towards me then stopped, looking at my unamused expression. 

     

" I'm going to class. " Bill tried to say something, I ignored him and walked upstairs grabbed my bag then walked out the door to my car. As I began to pull out Bill ran in front of me. I sighed as he opened the passenger seat door and sat down quietly. I began to drive and pulled over at where I met Amon.

      I turned to Bill, "So what the hell is wrong with y-" he grabbed me by my shirt and kissed me, what scared me was how quickly I moaned. I pulled back quickly.

 

"I'm sorry Dipper," he said quietly. "That wasn't right."


	8. La Bonne Aventure

 

We were in the car.

 

Bill sat in the back of Mabel's mini van. Why Mabel had bought a mini van mystified even Bill, but there was room and no complaints. 

 

" I have to pee." Bill whined from the back crawling on the floor and poking my back.

 

" I didn't know demons had to pee. " I snorted and turned my attention back to the road.

 

"Well this demon made me buy him four X Large Blue Raspberry Slurpees and finished them under ten minutes." Mabel said and laughed.

 

     I had to give credit to her for being so nice to Bill, but gestures like Bill had pulled easily won her over.

I thought back to that night and what happened with Bill when we... maybe it was better to focus on the road. The next few hours were full of stops( for not only the bathroom but Slurpee refills) and Mabel adding vodka to her Slurpee and then Bill's. Then was the chorus of the entire Hamilton soundtrack and Bill's corrections to the U.S. History textbook that Mabel had bought to " be closer to her main man ham-dizzle.

 

" No I completely agree! Hamilton was cute but PHILLIP WAS A DREAMBOAT." Bill cackled and opened the window to most likely eject the alcoholic Slurpee out of his system. I sighed and checked the GPS: we still had eleven hours. All I had learned during this car ride was the life of Hamilton and how strange Bill was. One minute he was a quirky and confusing kid and the next he was the condescending ass we knew so well.

 

" Guys, it's five. Gather yourselves okay? " I pulled off the highway and began to look around. Mabel started laughing "HAHA WE'RE IN WEED CALIFORNIA."

 

Bill straighted up and pointed towards a hotel. "I want to go there." I sighed, " Bill McCloud Mercantile Hotel? That sounds expensive!" Bill chuckled, "Dipper, Dipper I am a demon. Expense is no issue to me."

 

     "I get the room by myself!" Mabel said and grabbed the key and headed up the stairs at top speed, her backpack violently bouncing up and down.  I shrugged. We had ordered two rooms one with one king bed ( which Mabel had gotten ) and one with two queens which wasn't so bad. Bill grabbed the key and we walked towards the staircase. I fiddled with the ring and watched the elevator door close behind us.

 

" What's your deal Bill? " 

 

"A handshake a day keeps Amon away!" he said cheerfully and stepped out of the staircase.

 

I recognized that name somewhere... right, that was the freaky giant lady. I opened the door to the room as Bill gasped. 

 

"It has an fancy bathtub!" He then promptly stripped and ran towards the tub. I averted my eyes and looked towards the bed. The. Bed. As in one bed. As in not two beds. _Lovely_. 

 

I sighed and pulled of my shirt and traded it for one of Mabel's homemade sweaters(made some time during her drunken haze during the car ride). This one was grey and had a nativity scene on it however Mary and Joseph's heads were replaced by Bill's and my own: Jesus, was a little yellow triangle with a top hat. 

 

 I pulled my book out and began reading, " _Breaking Ancient Bonds For Dummies_ " . _Most bonds have loopholes and tricks to leave them... Ifrit Rings: Being one of the most powerful of the bonds, there is only way to break the bond: true lov-"_ I shut the book and dropped on the bedside table. I groaned and buried my face in the pillows. I felt the blanket be lifted up. I turned around, " Bill Cipher we are not sleeping together." He was not only wearing a matching sweater but a pair of sad puppy dog eyes and I cursed myself for being so weak.

 

"Whatever I'll sleep on the floor." I got up grabbed a pillow and trotted towards a soft looking carpet. I turned away from Bill and laid down. A few minutes later I felt a blanket go over me and a warm body next to me. I tensed but was surprised to hear a soft snore a moment later. I turned around again, Bill was so close that our noses touched as I did so. How did I get myself in this? 

 

Right. _Bill kissed me. I walked back to the car, put my key into the ignition and waited for Bill. He silently got in the passenger seat and we didn't speak, I parked and began to walk towards the school. Bill grabbed my shoulder, " Listen Dipper I-"_

_I spun around, " Bill I can hardly tolerate being bonded with you, I can't deal with you constantly toying with me. What do you want? Why are you here? Why can't you leave me alone? " I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and walked faster._

_  
"Why would you assume that I didn't want to do that? Maybe I do car-"._

 

_"No Bill. You're a demon, I don't even think you can care about someone or yet even love. These bonds are going to be eternal thanks to your jackassery."_

 

_He grabbed me and instead of hitting me like I expected, he held me in an embrace for a few moments too long._

 

_He spoke softly after a few moments, " I promise I'm not Dipper. Let me prove it to you?"_

 

_"How exactly do you plan to do that Cipher?"_

 

_"I...oh!"_

 

\---- 

Bill's arm reached out and rested on my waist, I looked down and turned red.

 

"Bill WHY the FUCK are you not wearing pants." I yelled. 

 

He slowly blinked, opening his eyes. He grinned. " I could ask you the same question Dipper."

 

My face burned and I turned around, '' If you're going to insist on sleeping with me can we at least move to the bed?"

 

He grabbed the blanket with a flourish and walked towards the bed, " Not surprised you like the bed better than the floor."

 

"Bill are all these sex jokes necessary?" He chuckled and climbed into bed, I slowly stood and joined him. I could hear Bill snore as my eyes slowly shut.


End file.
